Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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