Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
