i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
