he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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