My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
