Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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