im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
