The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
