A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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