on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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