you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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