They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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