Can i not drive my cunt home
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
