you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
