3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
