Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Too much gin, very little bucket
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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