two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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