yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
