Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
