dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
