the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
