I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
