hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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