The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
