i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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