A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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