Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
cat food counts as protein by the way
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
