Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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