New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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