So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
