dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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