I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
