Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
