Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
