Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
