Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
