we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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