I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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