I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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