This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
