I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
