How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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