I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
