after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
