...so i touched it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
