Dual....:-)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
