Nicole vs. Life
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
