Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
