Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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