garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
