It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
