Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize