you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
