in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
