bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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