Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
