i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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