I think my fart just growled at me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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