Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
