Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
