so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
