He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
