; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
