is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
