You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god it's open bar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
