Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hippo gnu deer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
