if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
