Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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