i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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