dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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