i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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