I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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