oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
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Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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