Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize