The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
