We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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